Dad's Memorial Service

ALL are invited to Dad's memorial service on MONDAY, September 6, at 6:00 p.m., at First Baptist Church (click HERE for directions).  Yes, that's Labor Day.  As Dad was known to say, "Death is inconvenient."  We hope you can make it, though.


Kids are very welcome, but there will not be childcare.  Dad's four grandkids (all under four years of age) will be in attendance, including Colson Dale Armstrong, so we obviously don't mind having kids there!  Dad always had a soft spot for "the kiddos."  There is a nursing room available at the church, where babies can nurse or parents can hold "screamers" while watching the festivities.  It may technically be called the "cry room," but it isn't meant to hold all the criers that may be in attendance. :)


It is a come-as-you-are affair, just as Dad would have it.  (Dad always wore a suit to work, but he referred to it as his "costume.")  I will likely be wearing flip-flops and, if it's hot, shorts.  Remember, Jesus wore sandals; if they were good enough for Him, they're good enough for Dad's memorial celebration.  But you can dress up if you'd like.  What I'm trying to say is "come comfortable."


We haven't figured out a format yet, but we know there will be a slideshow presentation with pictures from Dad's 60 years of life, music (maybe something by us "kids," if we can pull it together), some talking, and post-celebration dessert.  I have been asked if there will be an "open mic" set-up or other opportunities for people to share (briefly) about what Dad meant to them as a friend/colleague/second-dad/etc.  We obviously have time limitations, but we haven't gotten far enough into the planning process to know if that will be an option.


In other news... we had a family trip to In-N-Out today for lunch.  It was a great meal, as always - only Zeke cried.  And Richie splurged with an XL soda a 3x3 animal-style burger.  He deserved it, because his dissertation was approved this morning, meaning that he officially has a Ph.D..  Dad missed out on the typical Sorbello/Armstrong invasion of In-N-Out, but I'm sure he was enjoying his view.


If you care enough to have read this blog post to its conclusion, we hope you can attend Dad's memorial celebration.  Huge thanks (again) for all the support.  We feel so well-loved.

So Long, Pops...

"If you knew what God knows about death, you would clap your listless hands." - George MacDonald

Tonight, at 7:20 p.m., Dad passed from this life into the next.  He will be deeply missed by many of us, but rest assured that Dad is in good hands... the best, really.  We abundantly confident that God welcomed Dad with a resounding, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Dad was surrounded by Mom, Bethany, Richie, Colson, Grace, Sam, and me.  Sarah was at home, per her wishes.  We were all praying, listening to the CD of Bethany playing Dad's favorite songs on the piano, and talking to him as he breathed his last.  God mercifully took him without any apparent pain or discomfort.

We haven't fully discussed plans for the next week, but Dad definitely wanted a memorial service, and, in classic form, he even picked out the songs.  In fact, not too long after Dad's own mom died, we took a family trip to the Davis Cemetery for Dad and Mom to purchase their burial plots ("so that we would have less to worry about when [they] died").  Who does that!?  I'm telling you, the man was ready to go whenever he got the call.  We're tentatively thinking that the memorial service will occur at First Baptist Church on Saturday morning, September 4, 2010.  More details will be forthcoming, but everyone would be invited to join in the celebration of Dad's wonderful life.

Please accept my hearty thanks for the prayers, support, and encouragement over the past two weeks.  Our every need has been met abundantly, and we are very grateful for friends and family that love us and care for us in our time of need.  It is a worthy testament to the life Dad lived.

To paraphrase some of the last words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4: 7-8... "Dad has fought the good fight, he has finished the race, he has kept the faith.  Now there is in store for him the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to him on that day -- and not only to him, but also to all those who have longed for Christ's appearing."

Though Dad's race is over, we remain on the course.  May we each keep the faith and finish strong...

Legacy: Under Construction

Dad's vitals are still relatively stable.  His liver values are around 150 something-or-others, which is apparently pretty high.  The doctors attribute that partially to the heart medication that is helping to regulate his post-surgery, erratic heart rate and blood pressure.  Dad is also running a fever of 101+ degrees, but there is no sign of infection or other reason for the high temperature.  They are using Tylenol or Advil to drop his temp and will go with a cold blanket if that doesn't work.


Today was another busy one in Dad's room.  Visitors were there most of the morning and early afternoon.  Siena stayed from 10:00 until after 5:00, including a nap on Sam's lap for about 90 minutes.  She also sang songs for Poppy, cuddled with Grammy, and enjoyed watching the nurses at work.


Grace is scheduled to arrive in Sacramento at 10:00 tomorrow morning.  She will be able to spend some time with Dad, and then our family will meet with one of Dad's neurologists to talk about possible next steps.  That will undoubtedly be a difficult discussion, so prayers for clear minds and peaceful hearts are appreciated!  Consensus on issues like this is crucial; the last thing Dad (or God) would want is a divided family as we face the days ahead.  We are requesting no visitors at this point, so we can circle the wagons as a family.


Emotionally, God has given me so much comfort after an initially tumultuous ride.  The shock of Dad's AVM rupture and the MRI results has faded somewhat, and my tear ducts have dried up from overuse.  Ultimately, my confidence in God's ability to bring about good from Dad's plight (as sad as it is) has been reinvigorated by the numerous e-mails and messages I have received about how this tragedy has challenged people to reexamine their world-views or think about the kind of legacy they are leaving.


Thirteen days ago, when Bethany, Richie, and I walked into the ER to speak with the doctors and nurses about Dad's medical emergency, a nurse approached Bethany and wanted to verify that Dad had been working as a construction worker when he had his stroke.  Dad would have been so proud to hear this, because he has always appreciated the skills of a good carpenter (like Uncle Richard) and often took on serious projects around the house.  We're not sure where the medical staff got that information, but I've definitely been thinking lately about how Dad has constructed his legacy according to the Biblical blueprint.


Dad's powerful legacy did not come about haphazardly; he lived a very disciplined, selfless, and intentional life.  He put his relationship with God before anything else.  My mom was his second priority.  Then came us kids, followed by his job and other "duties."  (We have a saying around our house: "Do your duty.  Even when it hurts.")  Last on Dad's list of priorities was his own entertainment or recreational pursuits.  That would sound strange to some, but, if you know Dad at all, you know that he took so much joy out of his top priorities that everything else just seemed unnecessary.


Particularly during times when I have felt lazy or compromising, Dad's example has reminded me that my legacy is being built every day, whether I intend it or not.  I could focus on gaining wealth, power, social influence, professional recognition, a chiseled physique, or popularity; these can all be good things.  However, if any of these were my first priority, they would leave me totally unsatisfied.  Dad always challenged me to "keep the first things first" and, more importantly, he didn't just talk the talk - he walked the walk.  If my kids can say the same about me when it's my turn to go, then I will, as Dad has, honor God and leave a impact that makes a difference.

Soulish Songs

Quick update and then some entertainment... Grace is off the ice!  She arrived in New Zealand from Antarctica, received her formerly lost passport, and is scheduled to return home Sunday morning.  We are thrilled to have her back around for a little while, at least.


Today was filled with more visitors for Dad.  There are several scheduled for tomorrow, which is probably the last day we'll be allowing visitors.  If you still want to see him tomorrow, let us know and we'll make it happen.  It is amazing to see the outpouring of love for Dad from so many circles of influence that he had.  Like I've said before, Dad would be very embarrassed to be receiving so much love, but we're appreciative on his behalf!  If you don't know, Dad shunned the spotlight... so much so that one day when he came home to discover (prior to walking in the front door) that his mom had thrown a surprise party for him, he high-tailed it away from home until the guests left. :)

Mom is holding up incredibly well.  This is also a real answer to prayer.  She graciously welcoming Dad's visitors, keeping a close eye on the care Dad is receiving, and listening to or sharing stories with those who want to process all of the recent events.

Sarah went to see Dad a couple of days ago.  You may recall that she didn't want to see him until he woke up.  She said it reminded her too much of when Grandma died.  Mom told her that Dad may not wake up, which was enough to convince her head to the hospital.  She is doing well with everything, thanks to all of the prayers and the tangible acts of love by many of our friends, who have taken her out for mid-day adventures, driven her to work, etc.

Thanks for all the support - and I really mean it.  My colleagues have been amazing - cutting me slack when I need it, blessing me with encouraging notes/cards/gifts, and lending me listening ears.  Friends (new and old) and family are real gifts from God in times like these.

I have been enjoying the quotes and verses and songs that people have been sending.  A couple of good songs came today by way of sister Grace and Ron Piña (thanks!).  Enjoy:


If I Could by Jack Johnson (click on title to hear the song)

A brand new baby was born yesterday
Just in time
Papa cried, baby cried
Said "Your tears are like mine"
I heard some words
From a friend on the phone
That didn't sound so good
The doctor gave him two weeks to live
I'd give him more if I could

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could

Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
I'll miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
We'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out




Train Song by Josh Garrels (click on title to hear the song)


Shame on you, shame on me
Lord he took all our shame and pain, and set men free
And I’ve got that fire on the mountain
Fire in my soul
It’s been a long time coming, long time
And ready to go
I’m stepping out the door
Doing what feels right
Following my Lord, through the darkest night
And when the path gets narrow
I’ll follow him
And when the world comes down, around
I’ll follow him
He said, sing it on the mountain
Or in the valley low
He’s my God, and he never let me go
He said, sing it on the mountain
Or fight in valley low
Every mans going to see, and everyone will know
That peace runs deep in him
I said peace runs deep in him
Peace runs deep in him.
One comes in

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could




Now, I'll close with a conversation I had with Siena yesterday, as we drove to visit the cousins.  Sam had been talking to Siena about Poppy earlier in the day, and she must have still been thinking about their conversation.  As we drove, Siena was jabbering away in the back seat and then came up with this hilariously sweet dialogue:


Siena: Daddy-O [her name for me], Poppy go see Jesus!
Me: Yes, Sweetie... Poppy will probably go to see Jesus very soon.
Siena: Poppy no hit Jesus... Jesus nice!
Me: That's right, Poppy wouldn't want to hit Jesus, because Jesus is nice.
Siena: Poppy say "hi Jesus!"
Me: Yeah, Poppy will say hi to Jesus.
Siena: More say hi Jesus!  [translation: I want to say hi to Jesus.]


Out of the mouth of babes....

Day 11

On his last day of consciousness, Dad got to play with all of his "grandbabies" before leaving for work, kiss Mom goodbye, laugh at Bethany's ready-to-burst-pregnant belly, and spend time with many of his dear co-workers.  He talked with Sam and me at church the day before.  Grace got a long embrace and lots of love as she left for Antarctica a few days prior.  If this is it, Dad would have no regrets.

As comforting as these things might be, seeing Dad "sleeping" on his hospital bed is always unsettling, even when you've spent a lot of time in the room with him.  For that reason, we genuinely appreciate all of the visitors who have come to see Dad.  We know it isn't anyone's idea of a "good time," but Dad was blessed with almost 40 visitors today - not including immediate family!  Mom, who was bedside from early this morning until past 11:30 tonight, has been a real trooper, and we all appreciate the outpouring of support.

Dad's medical situation has not changed.  The doctors and nurses are committed to treating him as if he could recover, even though they have told us that, medically-speaking, he doesn't have a chance of recovering due to the brain stem damage.  We know that God could heal Dad - and our faith in this regard remains unwavering.  That said, if fervent prayer and heartfelt faith always healed people, Dad would outlive the Guinness Book of World Records.  We believe that God uses doctors to heal, and sometimes God heals in spite of them.  But he also calls His people home when their work on earth is done.


As dear Uncle Chuck pointed out to me yesterday, we must fight a tendency to "play God," by pretending that we know better than God and by praying only for our will to be done, rather than God's.  Jesus, in teaching his followers how to pray, told them to pray that God's will would be done on earth, as it is in heaven.  And, shortly before he was crucified, he prayed to God "not my will, but yours be done."  If I were God, Dad would have been out of the hospital long ago.  At this point, however, that does not appear to be God's will.

Mom sent me a quote today by one of my favorite authors, Phillip Yancey: "Faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse."  That rings so true.  I was talking to a co-working yesterday about why it can be so difficult to have faith that God has things under control.  The difficulty with "keeping the faith" is that, well, it requires faith!  The Bible defines faith as "being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see."  It doesn't take faith to be sure of what you know or certain of what you cannot miss!


To truly exercise that kind of faith, I need to...


1) trust God's sovereignty, even when it feels like He made a mistake;
2) keep an eternal perspective when I become weighed down by temporary concerns; and
3) remember God's past faithfulness, because He has guided my "ship" through dark storms before.


This is all, of course, much easier said than done... but it's worth the effort!


In other news, Grace hopefully got on an airplane in Antarctica tonight, but we should know more about her arrival time tomorrow.  Again, we will be asking for some familial privacy after she gets here, but just give us a heads up if you'd like to visit.  We are trying to space people throughout the day, to respect the needs of other ICU patients and families.  It also maximizes your ability to talk to Dad privately and gives Mom a chance to talk to everyone, as well.