September: Rediscovering Normalcy

Well, at some point life settles into a routine - what we like to call "normal."  Sometimes things happen that shake our understanding of what normal means.  Though normal without Dad is not nearly as fun as normal with Dad, it goes to show that "normal" is a moving target.  The Apostle Paul talks about learning to have joy in all circumstances, and that is our goal.  The joy is not because of the circumstances, it is often despite the circumstances.  It's easy to be joyful in the happiest of circumstances.  The joy or peace that "passes all understanding" is a joy that I believe to be God-given.  And we honestly are appreciative beneficiaries of that joy, despite the tough times of the past month.

Before I start in on a "normal" blog entry, I want to just say a couple of things about the memorial service.  We were so touched by the astonishing number of people who showed up to support us and remember Dad. There were at least 600 people there, and it was standing-room-only.  I wish I could have talked with each person there at length (there's the extrovert in me coming out).  Simply put, I think the service played out exactly how Dad would have wanted it.  If you came, thank you.  If you couldn't, no worries!  But you missed out on a good time. :)

On September 3, three days before the service, we buried Dad at the plot he had already purchased at the Davis Cemetery.  It was a very private affair - only immediate family, Uncle Richard, and Aunt Robin.  We read some Bible verses as the little ones ran wild around the assorted gravestones.  The casket (pictured below) is well crafted and all-wood.  And, it was relatively inexpensive, in accordance with Dad's specific request!  Dad didn't worry too much about what happened to his body; he was far more concerned with his soul.  

At some point after the cemetery workers lowered it into the ground, Luke asked me what was in "the box."  I told him Poppy's body was in there, and he asked me why.  He looked concerned, as if he thought we were hurting Poppy by putting him in a box in the ground.  I told him that Poppy left his body behind so that he could go to be with Jesus.  Luke ran toward the open grave and looked in, over the temporary railing.  I wish I could have read his mind at that point.  It must have been spinning.  He did a little bit of processing at the side of the hole and then went to talk with Bethany for a little bit.  Then it was back to playing!  He knew Poppy was better than ever, and his "normal" had re-calibrated.

Here's a picture of the gang before the casket was lowered down:

Uncle Richard and I wandered around a little bit, looking at the graves of people we knew.  It was touching, especially seeing the grave of Uncle Richard and Aunt Robin's first child, Jason, who died at birth.  We talked a lot about death, but it wasn't morbid.

Sam took her "29 Week" picture at the cemetery... kind of an odd place for a pregnancy shot, but she looks great nonetheless.  We spent 4 hours in the hospital last week after Sam had contractions all evening.  She was only 30 weeks along, so we definitely want Sofia to stay in place for at least 5-6 more weeks.  Siena was born at 35 weeks and needed a week in the NICU before going home.  At the hospital, the doctor gave Sam terbutaline, which helped stop the contractions.  Incidentally, it is also a drug that is banned for Olympic athletes, so Sam may be experiencing some super powers as I type.  She is currently at 31 weeks, so prayers would be appreciated - time in the womb is a good thing for Sofia right now.

On September 4, we had a good time hanging with friends at the Smiths' house in Woodland.  I gave five haircuts, some of us played Rock Band, and all of us enjoyed Gambo's singing:

Even Siena got in on the act, as a guest guitarist:

Jeremy McChesney was the first victim/client:

September 6 was Labor Day, and the day of Dad's memorial.  Uncle Chuck was speaking that night, so I gave him a trim.  He didn't opt for the fauxhawk depicted in this picture, but he left looking mighty fine:

Sometimes, it's refreshing to just spend the day naked in the sand box... or so I hear.  Siena chose Labor Day to make this a reality, and Grandma was a great Sienasitter, while Sam and I tended to memorial service details:

Given that it was Labor Day, Justin kindly came over to help me finish taking off our countertops.  He is much handier than I.  The guys from Home Depot were coming later in the week to install Corian, so we wanted to get it done before the work week started again on Tuesday:

Some of the afternoon was spent setting up FBC's sanctuary for the memorial service.  Dad wanted everyone to get a Gideon's New Testament (which includes the books of Psalms and Proverbs), so we placed one on every seat with the program for the service.  Bethany, Grace, Sam, and Mom combined to make that all happen, with some help from friends and FBCers:

The "rehearsal" was very casual.  Here is Sarah with me, practicing the verses she would be reading:

We were thrilled to have so many friends and family in attendance.  Siena got to see one of her best friends, Sydney Forester.  Sydney and her parents drove up from Fresno with her infant brother, Logan, in tow.  Siena wanted desperately to hold Logan, and it worked out okay until she wanted to squeeze his face:

The day after the memorial service, I went to work.  Sam got to hang out with more Sorbellos at Caffe Italia, a Sorbello favorite. Here is Siena with Aunt Pauline (one of her favorite people), Jessica, baby Jenna, and Shanon.

Grace, Pop-Pop (Dad's Dad), and Marguerite were also in attendance:

On September 12, we had Siena's 2nd birthday party - a BBQ at Mom's house.  (I am definitely not used to calling it "Mom's house" yet, but I'm working on it.)  There was a cow theme, if you couldn't tell from the following picture:

Sam Klasing, Kindall Keefer, and Baby Colton were ready to party:

Melissa Keefer, Katie Reece, and Katelyn ("Kiki") Warne were also there.  Note Katie's bandana, which got her brownie points because of the party's theme:

Katie Nicholson is a baby-magnet.  She loves holding the little ones (here is Logan Forester), and they seem to love her right back!

Bethany and Chrissie Brown are both recent mothers of three, so I'm sure they were talking about how easy it is to have a baby after two practice babies:

Aunt Robin, Mom, and Cathie Moroski got caught in a pose by Sam's photo-sniping skills:

The bandana-wearing Ben Reece definitely would have won for best costume, if we had given out a prize.  He came looking like a cattle-rustler and claimed not to be warm:

Lots of Sam's family was able to come.  Here is Grandpa Dennis with the Quam ladies, Laura, T, and Andy in the cherry trees:

How many men does it take to cook burgers and hot dogs?  In this case, at least four.  Chuck Warne and Kevin and Cody Keefer were my capable runners/supervisors:

Joel and Emily modeled a popular Senior Prom pose:

Andy was inspecting the newly refurbished (with some refurbishment yet to do) play house in the back yard:

Zeke, sporting his new, hard-fought haircut and the baby that makes him a middle child: Colson.

Siena enjoyed her cake from Sandra at Palo Alto's Prolific Oven:

We took the opportunity for a Nicholson family portrait:

Joe and Patty Bandel (and Caleb) made the trek to join us!  Caleb got a head start on his birthday week, and we were able to join them for his second birthday party the following weekend:

Sarah must have already drunk a few Diet Cokes, because she's getting into whatever story she's telling Andy.  And Laura and Mom were chatting it up:

Minglage.  If that's not a word, it should be?

September 14 is Siena's actual birthday.  She celebrated in her "princess skirt" and an all-pink outfit:

Ruby got some lovin':

On September 17, we were back at the Prolific Oven:

Grandma has an iPad, and Siena loves to play her "mean birds" and "fishies" games:

Sam just annihilates crossword puzzles with the help of her dad:

On September 18, we left Atherton for San Mateo and Caleb Bandel's 2nd birthday party!  First, some play time to get ready for the car seat:

And a "bonk" from Grandpa:

Caleb is a big boy now... and apparently Patty has more influence over his football attire!

Siena's always down for a good party:

It was fun catching up with the Shabaglians (Arris and Jadon here) and the Aseffas (Alisa on the right):

Here I am with, David Shabaglian.  He is a kindred spirit and great friend:

If you haven't noticed by now, this blog has returned to its original purpose... to keep friends and family up-to-date with our going ons and (really) to help Sam organize her future scrapbooking.

I actually benefited from blogging as I processed everything about the sudden turn of events with Dad, and I am grateful that this forum allowed people to follow along with the daily ups and downs.  But real life keeps us way too busy for everyday blogging.  Once every couple of weeks is extraordinary, and once-a-month is more reasonably expected.  Feel free to check back for updates whenever you'd like, but I hope you don't expect daily musings... if you do, you'll be disappointed. :)  I recommend Google Reader if you have several blogs that you like to follow.  It notifies you every time one of your favorite blogs gets updated with a new post.

Until next time...

Memorial Service Details...

I haven't written in a while, because things have been busy this week.  I want to highlight a few things for Dad's' memorial service, though.  Despite my earlier comment about the memorial being on Saturday, it will happen Monday, September 6 (Labor Day), at 6:00 p.m. at First Baptist Church of Davis (click on underlined link for directions).


Dad had written down a few wishes for his memorial service, all of which we plan on honoring.  To assist in your planning, we wanted you to know that one of those requests was that the service lasted no more than one hour!  He wanted to make sure it was as convenient and comfortable for everyone as possible.  Unfortunately, it also means that we can't ask many people to speak.  We have asked a few individuals to speak (briefly) about their experiences with Dad, but we know there are more people who would have appreciated a chance to share.


With that in mind, however, we will be including a sheet of paper in every program that can be filled out with a short anecdote or encouragement for Dad's grandkids when they grow up.  One of the saddest parts of Dad's "early" departure is that the "grandbabies," whom Dad loved so dearly, will not have clear memories of him.  Our hope is that we can compile the stories and messages in a book that our kids will be able to use to remember (or get to know) their beloved Poppy.


Dad's other requests involve how many songs to sing (no more than three), which song to close with ("O Love of God, How Strong and True"), and a few other particulars.


Again, the fact that he had already contemplated these issues speaks volumes about his perspective; he did not pretend that he would live forever, but he lived every day like it could be his last.  It has been such a blessing - emotionally and logistically - as we prepare for the memorial service.


We hope you can join us!

Dad's Memorial Service

ALL are invited to Dad's memorial service on MONDAY, September 6, at 6:00 p.m., at First Baptist Church (click HERE for directions).  Yes, that's Labor Day.  As Dad was known to say, "Death is inconvenient."  We hope you can make it, though.


Kids are very welcome, but there will not be childcare.  Dad's four grandkids (all under four years of age) will be in attendance, including Colson Dale Armstrong, so we obviously don't mind having kids there!  Dad always had a soft spot for "the kiddos."  There is a nursing room available at the church, where babies can nurse or parents can hold "screamers" while watching the festivities.  It may technically be called the "cry room," but it isn't meant to hold all the criers that may be in attendance. :)


It is a come-as-you-are affair, just as Dad would have it.  (Dad always wore a suit to work, but he referred to it as his "costume.")  I will likely be wearing flip-flops and, if it's hot, shorts.  Remember, Jesus wore sandals; if they were good enough for Him, they're good enough for Dad's memorial celebration.  But you can dress up if you'd like.  What I'm trying to say is "come comfortable."


We haven't figured out a format yet, but we know there will be a slideshow presentation with pictures from Dad's 60 years of life, music (maybe something by us "kids," if we can pull it together), some talking, and post-celebration dessert.  I have been asked if there will be an "open mic" set-up or other opportunities for people to share (briefly) about what Dad meant to them as a friend/colleague/second-dad/etc.  We obviously have time limitations, but we haven't gotten far enough into the planning process to know if that will be an option.


In other news... we had a family trip to In-N-Out today for lunch.  It was a great meal, as always - only Zeke cried.  And Richie splurged with an XL soda a 3x3 animal-style burger.  He deserved it, because his dissertation was approved this morning, meaning that he officially has a Ph.D..  Dad missed out on the typical Sorbello/Armstrong invasion of In-N-Out, but I'm sure he was enjoying his view.


If you care enough to have read this blog post to its conclusion, we hope you can attend Dad's memorial celebration.  Huge thanks (again) for all the support.  We feel so well-loved.

So Long, Pops...

"If you knew what God knows about death, you would clap your listless hands." - George MacDonald

Tonight, at 7:20 p.m., Dad passed from this life into the next.  He will be deeply missed by many of us, but rest assured that Dad is in good hands... the best, really.  We abundantly confident that God welcomed Dad with a resounding, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Dad was surrounded by Mom, Bethany, Richie, Colson, Grace, Sam, and me.  Sarah was at home, per her wishes.  We were all praying, listening to the CD of Bethany playing Dad's favorite songs on the piano, and talking to him as he breathed his last.  God mercifully took him without any apparent pain or discomfort.

We haven't fully discussed plans for the next week, but Dad definitely wanted a memorial service, and, in classic form, he even picked out the songs.  In fact, not too long after Dad's own mom died, we took a family trip to the Davis Cemetery for Dad and Mom to purchase their burial plots ("so that we would have less to worry about when [they] died").  Who does that!?  I'm telling you, the man was ready to go whenever he got the call.  We're tentatively thinking that the memorial service will occur at First Baptist Church on Saturday morning, September 4, 2010.  More details will be forthcoming, but everyone would be invited to join in the celebration of Dad's wonderful life.

Please accept my hearty thanks for the prayers, support, and encouragement over the past two weeks.  Our every need has been met abundantly, and we are very grateful for friends and family that love us and care for us in our time of need.  It is a worthy testament to the life Dad lived.

To paraphrase some of the last words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4: 7-8... "Dad has fought the good fight, he has finished the race, he has kept the faith.  Now there is in store for him the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to him on that day -- and not only to him, but also to all those who have longed for Christ's appearing."

Though Dad's race is over, we remain on the course.  May we each keep the faith and finish strong...

Legacy: Under Construction

Dad's vitals are still relatively stable.  His liver values are around 150 something-or-others, which is apparently pretty high.  The doctors attribute that partially to the heart medication that is helping to regulate his post-surgery, erratic heart rate and blood pressure.  Dad is also running a fever of 101+ degrees, but there is no sign of infection or other reason for the high temperature.  They are using Tylenol or Advil to drop his temp and will go with a cold blanket if that doesn't work.


Today was another busy one in Dad's room.  Visitors were there most of the morning and early afternoon.  Siena stayed from 10:00 until after 5:00, including a nap on Sam's lap for about 90 minutes.  She also sang songs for Poppy, cuddled with Grammy, and enjoyed watching the nurses at work.


Grace is scheduled to arrive in Sacramento at 10:00 tomorrow morning.  She will be able to spend some time with Dad, and then our family will meet with one of Dad's neurologists to talk about possible next steps.  That will undoubtedly be a difficult discussion, so prayers for clear minds and peaceful hearts are appreciated!  Consensus on issues like this is crucial; the last thing Dad (or God) would want is a divided family as we face the days ahead.  We are requesting no visitors at this point, so we can circle the wagons as a family.


Emotionally, God has given me so much comfort after an initially tumultuous ride.  The shock of Dad's AVM rupture and the MRI results has faded somewhat, and my tear ducts have dried up from overuse.  Ultimately, my confidence in God's ability to bring about good from Dad's plight (as sad as it is) has been reinvigorated by the numerous e-mails and messages I have received about how this tragedy has challenged people to reexamine their world-views or think about the kind of legacy they are leaving.


Thirteen days ago, when Bethany, Richie, and I walked into the ER to speak with the doctors and nurses about Dad's medical emergency, a nurse approached Bethany and wanted to verify that Dad had been working as a construction worker when he had his stroke.  Dad would have been so proud to hear this, because he has always appreciated the skills of a good carpenter (like Uncle Richard) and often took on serious projects around the house.  We're not sure where the medical staff got that information, but I've definitely been thinking lately about how Dad has constructed his legacy according to the Biblical blueprint.


Dad's powerful legacy did not come about haphazardly; he lived a very disciplined, selfless, and intentional life.  He put his relationship with God before anything else.  My mom was his second priority.  Then came us kids, followed by his job and other "duties."  (We have a saying around our house: "Do your duty.  Even when it hurts.")  Last on Dad's list of priorities was his own entertainment or recreational pursuits.  That would sound strange to some, but, if you know Dad at all, you know that he took so much joy out of his top priorities that everything else just seemed unnecessary.


Particularly during times when I have felt lazy or compromising, Dad's example has reminded me that my legacy is being built every day, whether I intend it or not.  I could focus on gaining wealth, power, social influence, professional recognition, a chiseled physique, or popularity; these can all be good things.  However, if any of these were my first priority, they would leave me totally unsatisfied.  Dad always challenged me to "keep the first things first" and, more importantly, he didn't just talk the talk - he walked the walk.  If my kids can say the same about me when it's my turn to go, then I will, as Dad has, honor God and leave a impact that makes a difference.